The Day After

I didn't have any dreams.  I woke up fine...at first..then crying a minute later.

Yesterday I was your wife.  The day after, I was someone you use to be married to.
Someone you use to know.

I prepared food the night before knowing I wouldn't be able to function.  I skip my meals anyways.

I keep myself busy every minute.  I make lists of simple mindless tasks to do.  Organize my closet. Put photos in an album.  Stupid things that I've always wanted to do but never had the time.

Today all I have is time.  It seems endless.

The silence in the house has never been so loud.

I remind myself to eat.  I cry when I remember there is no one else to do so.

I watch movies all day and cry. There is a funny part that I know you will love.
I immediately pick up the phone to call you.  Then I put the phone down and cry.

Even if I make it through this day...will anything be different tomorrow?  

I am not a wife anymore.  I liked being a wife.  It meant someone loved me enough to pick me.
Being divorced means I wasn't loved enough.

Everyone says how hard divorce is.  But they never say how HARD divorce is.
You simply can not understand it until you have gone through it.

After we divorced the true pain began.