Becoming A Statistic

We didn't argue.  We liked the same food, movies and songs.  We loved singing "Sweet Child O' Mine" at the tops of our lungs. We loved to travel.  We loved books on tapes on long trips. We loved our dog. We had our own secret jokes.  Doesn't everyone?  

We saw other couples who were miserable, not even nice to each other and we said we were so lucky we weren't like that.  We still said our please and thank you's.

He was unhappy.  Of course I could see that.  But he said it was work.  He hated working.  

"Are you sure it's just work?  You seem mad at me, distant."

"No.  I just hate work."  And then he would hug me.

I tried hard to make things easy for him. Yet nothing was ever right.  But he assured me everything was fine.  He just had to figure the work thing out.  I believed him.  Why wouldn't I?  He had never lied to me.

So, at the height of success, he sold the business he had convinced me he wanted.  He went to work for someone else. And hated it.  Then he left there and did temporary work.  And hated it.  I stood by him during all of these changes hoping he would find his happiness.  I didn't push him, or nag him, or demand anything of him.  I just let him go his own way, supporting his every erratic decision.

After all, I wanted him to be happy.  You only get one life and you should be happy in it.

Five years of mood swings.  It was like walking on eggshells. Me always waiting for him to find his peace so we could have some real fun. So we could enjoy each other the way we did when there was less stress in our lives.

Until one day.... "I don't want to do this anymore."  The words came out of my mouth.  I was tired of him being miserable. I wanted us to fix it together.

I asked him to go to therapy together.  He didn't want to.

I asked him to try a separation.  He didn't want to.

He wanted to sell everything and sail to the Bahamas by himself for four months.  He wanted to find peace on his own.

He wanted a divorce.

That was his solution?  It was not mine.

After 10 years together, seven of them married, it had come down to this. 

Wasn't any of it worth fighting for?  Wasn't any of it worth trying to save?

Apparently not to him.  To him there was no answer other than divorce.

You can't make someone stay when they don't want to.  What choice did I have?

So we divorced.  

And our marriage became a statistic.