How Did I Lose You?

How did I lose you?

I'm slowly starting to throw things out.

Things that held so much meaning once.  Now have no meaning at all.
Tokens of our trips together.  Trinkets from concerts, theater shows, restaurants, hotels.
Cards with words from a man I no longer know.
Someone I loved so very much in a life I no longer live.

Reminders of things I never wanted to forget, are now too painful to remember.

Objects that paint a picture of a life that is gone.
That doesn't even feel real anymore.
Even though they are tangible items, they hold no weight.

How did I lose you?

How did we go from laughing while we fed each other cake to this?
I remove the photos from our special day, out of their special book, and put them in a plain envelope.
They no longer look like us because there is no us.

Do you know how hard it is to fall out of love with someone?

You can't just stop caring for a person who held a place in your heart.  
Well, I can't.
It's a slow, painful process that involves going through closets and drawers and boxes and shedding memories, hopes and dreams.

Wasn't it bad enough that you broke my heart that now I have to finish the job by shattering it?
Analyzing every photo for some kind of answer.

How did I lose you?

Getting rid of these mementos is like losing you all over again.