Live With It

Today would have been 9 years... if we had stayed married.
If we hadn't already been divorced for two years.

This is still my heart break, not yours.

I understand now that pain either goes away
or you learn to live with it.

And so...

I've shifted my focus to new possibilities rather than wishing for a different past.

Because you can't go back.

I have to know you to forgive you.
But you are a stranger to me.

Until we spend more than five minutes together. 13 years does that I guess.

I don't want you to be the one,
yet you have always been.

Why else would I have married you?

And so...

I live with it.

Today's the day you'll call me

Today's the day you'll call me
and tell me you've come to your senses.

You don't know what you were thinking.
You can't live another moment without me.

All the time you spent avoiding me, you realize now,
was wasted time.

Or, at the very least, time you needed, to realize what you lost.
What you had taken for granted all along.

Today is the day you'll call me
and tell me there is no other woman like me.
That dating all those "inbetweens" is what brought you to the point you are right now.

Back to me.
You'll actually say "all roads lead back to you."

Today is the day that you'll call me
and say maybe we should try again.
Maybe there is something worth pursuing between us.

And I'll feel...
sad.

It won't even be worth it to say "I told you so"

Today's the day you'll call me
and I'll realize you can still hurt me.

With this other kind of pain.

The Thing About a Lie

Telling a lie is like giving birth to a newborn.

You spend a lot of time thinking about it before it comes,
then planning for it's arrival.
Wondering what the right way will be to go about delivering it,
What if something goes wrong?

When it arrives you are scared and over joyed.
You did it.
You created a perfect entity that is a part of you, but also has a life of it's own.
Why did you ever stress so much?

That is the calm before the panic.
Prior to when you realize it is going home with you.

Slowly you begin to understand you are responsible for nurturing this being.
Because what was only a thought in your mind,
now actually exists
and
lives with you.

It  keeps you up at night. Worrying all the time.
You have to be careful about so many things.

You may come to realize you may have made a mistake
and you don't want to keep it any more.
It is way more work than you thought it would be to maintain.

It just keeps growing.

You can't just wish it away, or take it back.

If only you could take it back.

The thing about a lie... it's yours forever.

Only the truth will set you free.